


You Make Me Uneasy

by girloftheq (qthelights)



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-01-12
Updated: 2003-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-30 07:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qthelights/pseuds/girloftheq





	You Make Me Uneasy

It’s fine when everyone else is around. All of us laughing, teasing, fucking around. In fact I love when we’re all together. Dom, Sean, Billy…You. Makes me feel part of this wonderful family, unlike anything in the world I’ve been part of before. You know? Instant friends. Instant brothers. But sometimes, you don’t feel like a brother to me. And that makes me uneasy.

Sometimes, when it’s just you and me... When it’s quieter than normal, when we’re lounging around the living room, reading books, watching movies, when it’s like that, I feel weird...strange. I’m not sure. I feel unlike me. I don’t like that feeling.

For awhile I thought maybe, just maybe, I didn’t like you, or that you didn’t like me. That you were giving me some vibe telling me to stay far away. But I don’t know that that’s what it is. ‘Cause you’re always outwardly friendly. Brotherly. Playing, tickling, listening, confessing. Always brushing my hair with a friendly tussle. Running your fingers through it, messing it up. Laughing musically and grinning when I complain. So I think that maybe you don’t dislike me.

But I still feel strange around you.

You have this sparkle in your eyes. Do you know that? It’s so bright, so mischievous. Lurking there in those dark brown pools. Surfacing when anyone turns to you, talks to you, looks at you. It goes away sometimes, I’ve noticed. The pools close over, turn dark...you look sad then. But then you see me watching you and the sparkle leaps out and you grin. I don’t know why, but my heart jumps in my chest when I see that happen. Just some sort of automatic response to such a strong reaction I guess.

I’m fairly sure I like you. I like the bubble of laughter that rumbles up my throat whenever you’re around. I like that you listen to me, that despite your abundance of energy that has you fidgeting and touching and pacing, despite that, when I need you you’re still. You sit there and listen and stare at me with concerned emotion. Even your fingers are still, laying there on the table, not even twitching. At times I think it must be painful for you, to not be moving. Is it? I hope not. I hope that you aren’t in pain because of me.

And then someone will walk in, Dom after an apple, Billy looking for Dom. And you’ll jump up, move, and talk a mile a minute. And I’ll feel uneasy again, for some reason.

There are times when you make me want to run. Run from you, run from me. It scares me that I’m overwhelmed with wanting to get away. I don’t know what it is I want to get away from. Is that normal? Am I okay?

Strangely, at the same time, I’m drawn to you. I want to be sitting in the same room as you, want to be watching a movie with you, watching you laugh, slap your thigh or fall back into the cushions. See you in the sad parts, blue light flickering over your face, fingers clenched over your knees, screen tension mimicked in the play of your hands. Hear the little breath of air you blow out in the resolutions, know that you’ve been holding it from the stillness of your chest. I don’t remember much of the movies though.

I love that you’re so caring towards everyone. Jumping from person to person with real honest joy. Hugging this person, laughing with that one. I watched you today, rubbing his shoulders, your fingers playing through his hair. It’s nice that you do that. But it made me feel strange. You often make me strange. No one else makes me feel quite like you do.

And when you look at me like that, like you’re looking at me now... Your eyes huge and dark and staring into mine, your body quite still in front of me, I’m not sure what to think or what to feel. And when you reach out, your cool fingers gently touching my hand, my heart leaps again, and I’m still not quite sure what’s going on. Do I look confused Orli? You must know, you’re staring so hard.

It’s not until you’re leaning towards me, your eyes unlike I’ve ever seen them, an emotion in them I’m not sure I can be seeing, not until then that I think I understand. My eyes are on your lips, pink and soft, and then suddenly, on mine. I’m sure I blink in surprise, and I know that I moaned, I heard it, soft, felt it thrumming into your lips.

And suddenly you have me feeling strange again, only this time, I know what it is. 

And this time, I don’t want to run.


End file.
